1. Never sell yourself short…I don’t need the competition.

2. What I lacked in courage was made up for with cowardice.

3. While researching my genealogy I learned that my family tree is a bonsai.

4. I intended to make a mental note of something but I didn’t have anything to put it on.

5. Old basketball players never die. They sit in front of me.

6. I don’t wear a cowboy hat because I look like a mushroom when I do.

7. If at first you don’t succeed, you probably won’t do so well in the outfield either.

8. I could tell you something off the top of my head but you may want it from a higher source.

9. When I was on the high school track team I thought I had won the high hurdles event. But some smart aleck came out with a rule book that proved you have to go over those things.

10. I don’t wear cowboy boots because I can’t bend my knees when I do.

11. As a high school basketball player I was a triple threat. My shooting, dribbling and passing were horrible. Each time I went on the court my team felt threatened.

12. My football coach said that I have “deceptive speed,” much slower than I look.

13. I like basketball but I really get a kick out of football…no punt intended.

14. Being short puts me in a position to give early flood warnings.

15. One advantage I have over most lawyers is that I can hide behind my briefcase.

16. Under my senior picture in my high school annual were the words, “actual size.”

17. When I tried to play in the outfield they had to cut the grass to find me.

18. My grandpa was a wit and I inherited half of it.

19. What I lack in height is made up for with shortness.

20. One advantage I have as a speaker is that if I don’t like the looks of an audience I can stand behind the lectern.

21. My high school baseball coach tried me at short stop but decided I was too short to stop anything.